by Julie DeLong, A-1 Freeman Moving Group
Prepare for the Worst, Hope for the Best
Moving is tough—regardless of the situation, any time you are packing up all your cherished possessions (read--old college papers, items you have been meaning to fix, kids’ popcicle stick snowflakes) and move them to a new residence is staggering for even the most lively and positive among us. When you have secured your dream job—five states away--and your significant other will have to leave their career, when life has thrown you a big roadblock and you're basically forced to move, when living independently is no longer possible---you must deal with a bunch of emotional ups and downs alongside the tension of the actual move to Tulsa.
A big stressor in moving is coping with the whims of the real estate business. You're a grown person, esteemed in your town, and your life is totally in the balance of a bunch of people you've never met--what if your house doesn't sell? What if the people buying your house find a different house that they like better? Suppose they ask you to leave the curtains and the kids' playset? What if the appraiser sees the crack in the foundation that is sort of unseen behind the shrubs? Suppose the inspector discovers your new home has a leaky roof or there's a new bowling alley and travel plaza projected for across the road from your new subdivision? Here's the deal. You have little authority over any of these things. The best plan of attack is to be sure that the realtor helping with your house and the realtor helping you with the new residence are competent and do what they are supposed to do--and communicate with both to have a emergency plan should something get askew.
Think about real estate transactions as a huge run of dominoes--closings usually depend on another closing happening as scheduled. One blunder five steps up the timeline can impact your buyers timetable, and the same thing goes for the house you're moving to—unforeseen snag might mean you can't close on the day that you were planning on, and you are up all night thinking about how it's going to feel to be homeless for a a couple days, or if you could just move into one of the moving company’s trucks and set up camp.
Calm down. One of the benefits of the recession is that real estate rules have changed and there aren't the number of last-minute surprises with your closings. You should find out about any possible issues days before your closing date, and if something does change, moving companies are wonderfully capable of working with changing timetables. If an issue does slow you down, you may have the alternative of moving in a few days prior to when you actually close--again, a good realtor thinks about contingencies, so you don't have to stress about these things.
Communicate with your realtors and lender once a week before your closing date to make sure all the inspections and repairs and whatnot are on schedule; keeping on top of it maintains at least a feeling of control, and if there is a speedbump you're not hit unexpectedly.
If the worst does occur, like if you are building and an out-of-stock supply has delayed inspections and you don't have the occupancy certificate a few days ahead of closing because the plumbing is not done, AND you have an immovable closing date on your old house and the movers are booked up, don't panic. Most moving companies offer temporary or long-term storage until you can move into your new house, and your realtor can assist you in finding short-term housing until your house is ready. Snafus like these are very common, but when they do occur your anxiety levels skyrocket--so count on your team to help you deal with it.
The Emotional Stages of Moving
So, you are moving to Tulsa--and it may be an exciting time, it could be a challenge. You could be relocating three blocks or five hundred miles away. Everybody's situation is distinct, but people are mostly similar--the emotional rollercoaster just varies from residence to home. Some are kiddie sized, with happy Disney cars to ride in, and others mirror a death-defying, nausea-generating Loch Ness monster. The accomplishment is to turn that roller coaster into a smooth ride with cheerful little people humming "It's A Small World" as you pass through your closets.
Some researchers and psychologists have equated moving--in any circumstance--to the Kubler-Ross five stages of grief model. In other words, you experience denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance.
When you have built a life in a single place, it's totally standard to have mixed feelings about moving from the house where you called home after your honeymoon, where you brought your babies home, where you observed all those birthdays and graduations. If your move is not an option but an essentiality, it's okay to be angry with the circumstances that have brought you to the place where you're leaving your home because you have no choice. Be angry, wail and whoop at the walls and rely on your family and friends for support. Spend some time trying to think about how to not have to relocate—perhaps your spouse could commute, or get a crash pad in the new locale; if you require assistance taking care of your house, you could get live in help. Thinking through your options, as far out as they could be, helps you work through the reality of moving so that it's a little less painful to accept it.
Then, you can spend a couple days or weeks in denial, of sorts. This is when your relatives ask if they should stop over and help you sift through stuff, and you fib a tad and say you are nearly finished, when in actuality you've thrown out two dried up ink pens and a broken spatula and do not own a single box, yet. If you're really struggling with the specifics of purging and packing, let your friends help. Or, ask your moving company to pack for you—most full-service movers have professional packers who can either get you started or do the whole job for you.
Finally, you will accept the transition and change. It might not be the day the trucks arrive, it may take a couple months. But the human spirit is buoyant thing and you will come to accept and embrace your new abode in Tulsa. That is not to pretend it will be without angst, but being willing to create a new life and attempting new activities can ease the nostalgia for your old house and your old life.
The members of your family might all cope with congruent feelings, although with fluctuating degrees of ferocity--teenagers’ reactions are going to be a bit more aggressive than that of a younger child. If you are vacating your family home for senior living because one spouse is not doing well, then the more active spouse may feel more anger and denial. The important thing is to remember that the emotional swings are normal and it would be weird if you didn't get sad or mad or a little upset during the move.
Keeping your move in perspective is vital to arriving to the new house in one piece. Your life isn't contained in the rooms of your old home, your life is in the memories you've made there. Don’t forget that you will not lose old friends, and that you'll make new ones. And one day soon, you will open the front door and say to yourself, "I'm home."
Easing the Transition
People have habitual behavior ingrained in them--even toddlers select their favorite stuffed animal and woe to you if it's in the wash at nap time. So, when you move, you're lots of times shaking up all your habits in place and even when you're pleased about the new house, the new life you've got to construct around it is difficult to even the most courageous. When you are moving and anxious about forging a new life for you and your family in Tulsa, here are some tips to help with the transition.
Get your family enthusiastic about the move to Tulsa. If this means agreeing that your teenage daughter can paint her room black, put a smile on your face and go buy the paint. It may mean you finally have enough space for a dog—figure out what type of dog you would like, and as soon as everything is unpacked, go to the local shelter and get a new furry family member. Plan to bring home two, as your new furry friend could use a pal. Let your kids set up tents and camp out in that new yard. Yes, it its bribery of a sort, but it is all for the best and the delight of new privileges and besides, puppies are hard to beat. And, if you are the one having a tough time with it, seeing your family doing well goes a long way to fixing your state of mind.
When you are moving, the world-wide web (if you're older that terminology means something to you) makes the trip a lot easier. You possibly scoured real estate websites to search for your new house and investigate schools and neighborhoods, so you have a adequate perception already of your new bubble. Use social media to link up with people--towns of all sizes have mom groups that provide all types of things from pediatrician reviews to the best swim lessons--and remember that your new neighbors can be very helpful. A lot of neighborhoods have social media pages and online listings that tell you whose kids babysit, dog walk and mow grass.
If you have kiddos, transitioning activities is much more important to them than that pediatrician. Being able to jump right back into soccer or piano lessons or ballet keeps them on a schedule and helps them feel a part of their new community-the last thing you need is to have pouting kids around the home grumbling that they hate you and do not have any friends. And here is a fun bit of information—findings show that moving in the middle of the school year can be smoother for kids than moving over the summer break. If you commence a new school at the beginning of the year it's more likely to get overlooked in the craziness of the new year , but when you come in in the middle of the school year, it's more probable your kids will find friends faster and get more involved in school.
The loss of a feeling of security can be a difficult part of a move for the grown-ups. When you're accustomed to stopping by a neighbor's house just because you see her car in the driveway, going to a new place where you don't know anyone is tough. Remember that your new neighbors are most likely interested in getting to know you, because they've possibly said goodbye to their drive-by buddies and are looking forward to getting to know the new neighbors (aka – you!). Walking your dog is a sure-fire way to run into the neighbors--their inquisitiveness about you is high, and this gives you a simple way to get to know everyone.
The majority of churches and synagogues have newcomers’ groups that welcome you and your family, and assist you to discover how you fit within that community. Most schools would love to have more volunteers, so ponder getting involved. And, if you're an affiliate of a national club like Rotary or Junior League your membership can be easily transferred.
Life changes are hard, but by granting yourself and your loved ones the okay to be a tad sad about the past will help everyone look forward to the future.
If you are getting ready for a move, contact A-1 Freeman Moving Group to begin on your free in-home estimate. We promise to do our part to make your move to Tulsa as smooth as possible.